Break a LaptopWhether you’re young or old, you’ve likely heard of the Darwin Awards.

This tongue in cheek fictitious awards are given posthumously to those who were so negligent or stupid as to depart this world in the most unusual of ways.

That said, isn’t it time we incorporate these awards to those devoid of brain when choosing to destroy or break social media platforms through their laptops, iPads, tablet or mobile devices? Let’s take a look at what we found.

How To Break a Laptop

Whether it involves alcohol, accidents or attitude, there are many varieties of stories of those who have expounded albeit bashfully upon how they managed to crack their screen or laptop. Let’s take a moment to reflect upon a few of these and remember, these are real people so we shall avoid naming and shaming those who chose this route.

Temper Temper Temper

Many a story involves a temper tantrum, yes, adults have them too. At this point in the adventure it’s important to remember that it isn’t your laptops fault that you just found out your partner is cheating on you as one young damsel in Pennsylvania found out. While browsing through her Facebook she noticed a picture of her boyfriend playing “tonsil tennis” with one of her BFFs (best friends forever). Apparently her Macbook took flight with gusto and she still failed to qualify for the US Olympic team, but alas, her screen was broken so she couldn’t find out if there were any more incriminating pictures. Many a screen has met its demise by being punched or having something thrown at it when a jilted lover was left to pick up the pieces.

Six Pints of Carling and a Doner Kebab Can Only Mean This

Everyone’s enjoyed an odd evening out and over imbibed in alcohol. However, upon returning home it’s likely best to avoid surfing the web. A student in Oxford found this out the hard way, when he chose to chuck up the lamb kebab he had eaten all over his keyboard. Laughingly enough, the repair crew that had the unenviable task of repairing this tragic keyboard weren’t too chuffed with the foul odors emanating from every port. Of course, there are other tails of woe regarding man’s best friend and bodily fluids (I did say tails of woe). Apparently some woofers adore sprinkling their scent all over their owners precious iPads and tablets marking their territory and ownership of said item. Of course, if you’re one of the many who choose to leave their precious electronics on the floor or low tables for such behaviors, whose fault is it? One would seriously have to think long and hard about that answer.

Pillock of The Year Nominees

Web cam users find the most creative ways to destroy their beloved laptops and iPads. While most recognize that a table is a table, some choose to use it as a footstool but no one can get away with using a laptop as filling in a sandwich and resting their feet on it. Screens buckle and crack when subjected to such treatment and the “beefier” the burger, the more likely it is to do damage in a single sitting. Mark this one up to gross idiocy.

The Real Danger of Gaming

As more and more people use their laptops for gaming, there’s been a major increase in the accidents which often involve ear phones or ear buds. Oddly, screens don’t respond to the rough contact with ear buds why being slammed shut. Leaving ear buds on the keyboard often leads to this issue. Cracked screens are the result. Combined with the use of a laptop as a footstool will often prove that you aren’t a candidate for Mensa. You’ll end up kicked out of your group and find that you have no laptop to qualify for. Laptop heaven awaits these poor soles with gusto. Sign yourself up as a Darwin Award candidate immediately if this happens to you.

Sticky Fingers

One of the most common ways to ruin a laptop is the lack of care whilst drinking tea or coffee. Whether in your local Starbucks or simply relaxing at home in front of your coffee table you won’t require a brain surgeon to know that your liquids and your electronic devices simply don’t get along well together. You may find that a visit to the local repair shop has a nice stack of such victims and add your newest victim to the pile, or you may find that it is able to be saved. Shuffle off to Buffalo and chalk this one up to ineptness and vow to never again drink any liquids over your keyboard.

Trusting The Experts

Thankfully, most of the items mentioned above do have repairs available. However, as with all things, there are simply those that aren’t repairable and your computer guru tech person will be the best one to advise you of the status of your personal electronic device and it’s potential to be resurrected from the dead. Treat your personal electronic device with love and care and avoid the above mentioned injury tactics and you should be able to enjoy a happy and long life together. If not, be sure to get yourself signed up for a Darwin Award immediately. You certainly won’t want to be left out if you qualify.


Amy RiceAmy Rice writes for when not writing, I enjoy spending time with my daughter, going to the gym and playing adventure golf.