LaptopCharles Darwin spoke about the survival of the fittest. The tongue-in-cheek Darwin Awards are given to people who couldn’t survive because of the stupid mistakes that they made.

It is time to extend Social Media Darwin Awards to consumers who make crazy and illogical choices that lead to the destruction of their laptops, tablets, iPads, and mobile phone devices. As these machines take over our society, the number of ways to stupidly destroy them has grown.

Admittedly, many fails occur when owners are operating under the effects of alcohol or experiencing a bad attitude day. The range of accidents that result in the total destruction of inanimate computers is also fueled by discoveries made on the internet and just plain dumb luck. In order to understand just how stupid people can be, here are my favorites for this years Darwin Awards for destruction of computer equipment. If you fit into any of these categories, allow yourself time to cringe.

Temper Tantrum Due To Tonsil Tennis

Surfing the internet is fraught with dangers. Social media can be especially volatile as one young Pennsylvania school girl discovered. This young lass was paging through her friends list on Facebook when she discovered photos of her boyfriend playing tonsil tennis with her best friend forever. She was taken aback and reacted instinctively.

Instead of taking her anger out on her friend or dumping her boyfriend, she confronted her MacBook and hurled it across the room. Although she’d never trained as a discus thrower, her effort was remarkable and its flight took it directly to a hard surface. The MacBook was completely destroyed upon impact and we recommend that she redirect her anger to a career in track and field. Someone should have told her that what’s on the Internet isn’t the computer’s fault.

One Pint Too Many Of Carling Paired With A Spicy Kebab

A student at Oxford University discovered the hard way that over consumption of alcohol and surfing the web simply don’t mix. During his night out at the pub, this hapless bloke drank six pints of Carling and chased it with a savory lamb kebab. After returning home, he sat down to surf the web and promptly deposited the remnants all over the keyboard. The next morning he discovered the gooey mess had rendered his computer useless.

Workers at the computer repair shop weren’t too happy as they cleaned the smelly goo up. While this is particularly awful, there are even stinkier scenario. It can actually be much worse if you let man’s best friend get too near. Apparently, many dogs just love lifting their legs and sending a stream onto their master’s computers. Anyone who leaves their computer laying on the floor close to a furry friend must be out of their barking mind.

Nominees For Pillock Of The Year

How many times have you been told to put things away? There are innumerable reports of people who set their laptops on a chair and subsequently sit on them leaving the screen cracked and useless. Other people forget that they are on a table and plunk their heavy boots on top of them when they are looking for a footstool. What are they thinking?

The degree of damage is directly proportional to the number of hamburgers that you consume in a single setting. This award should be kept at computer repair shops and handed out each time a screen is replaced. Maybe it would do some good or maybe not. People who keep doing this should order and reinstall their own screens to save money on repair costs.

Gaming And The Darwin Awards

Frustrated gamers wreak havoc on their laptops. Reports have circulated about flying computers and slamming the laptop shut with devices still attached and resting between the screen and the keyboard. Frustrated gamers who don’t think before acting and can completely destroy their machine. Guess that’s one way to defeat the game!

To avoid doing this type of damage, repeat after me. It’s just a game. It’s just a game. Those characters that are driving your crazy aren’t real.

Sticky Fools

A basic rule of electronics is that fluids and computers simply don’t mix. However, Darwin Award nominees regularly head out to the local Starbucks or Costa Coffee and perch their device close to a steaming cup of coffee or tea. Drinks made with loads of sugar are the worst. The fluids soak into the wiring and stick to components.

Laptop and mobile device usage never stops and many diners surf while eating. It only takes a second for food or drinks to cause maximum damage. For heaven’s sake, if you are out with friends, spend time with them instead of heading to the internet for a virtual conversation. If the dinner gets rowdy, you can relax and have fun instead of heading to the repair shop afterwards to pay to have the damage fixed.

What The Experts Say

Computer repair experts know how easy it is to destroy an expensive device. In fact, Darwin Award recipients provide them with a great deal of trade. They will let you know if they can fix your machine up but have one solid piece of advice to offer. Take care of your machine and don’t fall into any of the bad habits that will win you a Darwin Award of your own.


Amy RiceAuthor Bio:

Amy Rice writes for when not writing, I enjoy spending time with my daughter, lifting free weights at the gym, gardening and walking.